Yeah I know I’m very lucky. I’m so fortunate to have a new direction in life, to have family surrounding me, to not have to worry about basic needs and housing, and even a job that I didn’t expect. But sometimes I think too much luck is bad because it makes you take things for granted.

Doing things on time, like homework

helping out my mom and dad with chores, cleaning up the house, washing clothes, cook, clean

Read the Bible every day and reflect on it

Sleep early, make sure I get enough sleep. Preferably sleep at 10 PM and wake up at 6 AM.

Saving money – don’t frequent GS, GSJ, soompi forums

Stop wasting time

Keep my word, when i say I will do it, do it.

Make new , lifelong friends and be a good friend in return, hang out with them more

Step out of my comfort zone at least once each day

To not let fear of people hold me back, and connect better with people

Respect my parents

Get 4.0 GPA in all remaining semesters

Learn how to cook yummy food

Become a better person and have good character

Yup that’s it. ^_^

Seriously this white skirt is the LAST thing I’m buying alright. T_T I know i said that about the sechuna dress + skirt but I just NEED this lovely mori-esque skirt in my closet now. =[ that's why.

So, I repeat. No more checking EGL, GSJ, GS or Soompi Sale forums feverently! Last time in a long time... maybe in months, I really need to save up money for Fanime AND my savings account. Plus I have to be able to pay my mom and dad... like extra money they can use. and my "rental" fee for staying in the house. lolol

Ok, No mORE CHECKING NOW. FOR CERTAIN. NO MORE PURCHASES ONLINE STARTING RIGHT NOW. No MORE CHECKING SO MUCH!!! WASTING SO MUCH TIME -_-

Ok, new years 2012 here I come =]

i feel so alone. i.. i just want to be interesting…why am i like this? i just want to fall in love. but girl you know that its from society, all those love and romance stuff u hear aren’t true..girlie…youre not mature enough… just hold out.

Taobao – $120

Amazon PRIME – $39

Amazon Books – $59 + $54 = $113

I am DOOMED… so much . When I get my financial aid, my dad will get all of it. There’s no way I can pay him back now since it’s the holidays and I need to save…

I feel like a lot of people in the hood… Get tied down by labels. Like African Americans. I remember sitting in the bus and I overheard a man say “I’m a poor black man and can’t get no healthcare.” Well no wonder since you labeled yourself as poor! Another thing that kind of pisses me off is that here in the land of America it truly is the land of opportunity !! And a lot of black people here are NOT taking advantage of the many opportunities available here!! They label themselves as poor and oppressed but fuck! Why can’t you guys see that this is the US? Don’t you guys see how blessed you guys are? People around the world come here for a new life!!

Like I go to a college that has a lot of African Americans. I don’t hate them or anything. I think that they are pretty cool. But what pisses me to no avail is that most are not taking advantage of the very things that make America so great.  A lot don’t take education seriously! From my observations, a lot of them just do barely the minimum in a class. And then they buy into labels!  I know that they have potential. I know!! But they just are not putting their heart into something that will lift them out of the ghettos.
Some blacks here who are working hard on their education inspires me, it shows that they are stronger than their circumstances. Unfortunately, most do not take education seriously and that’s what limits them.

When I was growing up, I was a TV and radio junkie. The choice of my music outlet was the radio. This was before the era of Youtube and others. My favorite artists to listen were singers like Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera, and others. Most of the songs on the radio, including theirs, dealt with love and heartbreak and even today it’s still the same. Lyrics like “I can’t live without you” permeated the airwaves.
As a young girl, I thought that love and romance was the way to happiness. After all the radio said so, and even in TV and movies the happy ending is achieved by getting the boy or girl. In fifth grade and middle school, I watched shows like The Bachelor and The Real World and I’ll admit it, those shows were probably not the best choice but it was very interesting. Everyone in these shows were searching for that perfect boy or girl (and hooking up lol). Love seemed very important.
It seemed like paradise on earth was possible. I thought that having a boyfriend would “complete” me. After all even before that I felt very insecure before. Maybe I would have a stronger sense of self if I got a boyfriend. After it seemed like that was what everyone around me was doing. In the 7th grade I developed a warped belief that to be happy that was I needed to do.
Up till the end of high school, that was what I did. I based my self confidence on what guys thought of me, and it was just the worst. To give another person besides yourself power to exert a control on your self confidence is just not the way to go. I was so desperate… to achieve some of that happiness that I saw and heard so much on TV and radio, that it scared boys away. Rejection after rejection finally made me stop and think that perhaps it was the wrong path to choose.
I then realized to base your identity on guys is not the way to go. It seemed like that all I believed in was falling apart… but then something new emerged from it. Romantic pursuits were not a priority anymore. In fact it is the last thing I want to seek. Thanks to all of these I set out on a journey to make the best me, because at the core of it all, your character and heart is what truly matters. Spiritual growth is what we’re here on earth for.
Even though TV and radio was a defining factor while growing up, I no longer watch any TV or listen to radio, except in the car and even then it’s mostly Chinese radio. They just no longer hold that appeal to me, and I can mold my own beliefs, free from any influence of the mainstream media.

I HATE MY PROCRASTINATION!! I spent over 7 hours on my chemistry homework and only got 1/2 done?? WTF??? It’s cuz I was procrastinating like crazy!! and what am I doing right now?,,, procrastinating!!

IM SO TIRED BUT I CAN’T REALLY GO TO SLEEP CAUSE I HAVEN’T FINISH MY HW. AND I KNOW, WHY DON’T I FINISH IT TOMORROW? SINCE ITS A SUNDAY…BUT I WANT TO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS ASSIGNMENT WHEN I WAKE UP!! AAAHHHH…. I HATE THIS… BECAUSE I KEEP PROCRASTINATING I HAVE MADE MYSELF A HUGE HEADACHE AND LOST A LOT OF SLEEP.

WHY DO I EVEN PROCRASTINATE? WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE IN TO SHORT TERM PLEASURE ? WHY CAN’T I EXPERIENCE SHORT TERM DISCOMFORT FOR THE SAKE OF LONG TERM BENEFIT IN FUTURE?

I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL WHATSOEVER!! I’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF.
BECAUSE OF THIS… ITS SO BAD…. I PRAY TO GOD, I DO EVERYTHING I TRY AND IT STILL STAYS!! WHY PROCRASTINATION.. ITS ALL MY FAULT.